A Broken Heart

I do not think I fully understood the meaning of a broken heart until experiencing the loss of Anne Michelle. My friend Leslie told me she was pregnant right away- and, while cautious, I was SO excited for her and her husband- and of course the new baby. The baby got the nickname "Peanut" because her first ultrasound looked like a peanut- and because they weren't going to find out the sex of the baby until she was born.

On July 25th, a little after 11pm, Leslie called me that she was in labor and going to the hospital- she was bleeding- and she wanted me to come. We'd planned on my being an extra support person during the labor and delivery, with the understanding that if at ANY time she wanted it to be just her and her husband, I would leave.

I arrived at the hospital around 1am on July 26th. Leslie was doing alright- the bleeding had stopped- but they didn't know what had caused it. The tests were normal, except for an increase in blood pressure, and baby was doing okay. They decided to admit her.

Anne Michelle didn't make it. She was stillborn at 5:45am.

I don't know how to explain the sorrow I feel. I cannot imagine what Leslie and her husband are going through- losing their daughter. For me, the pain is intense- sometimes a dull ache, and sometimes a sharp pain- but there is always some pain. If I am experiencing this, what could they be going through? Praise God, I got to hold little Anne shortly after her birth. She was born via c-section, and the doctor, being a devout Catholic, baptized Anne as soon as he could see her head. She was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.

It's been a month, and all of the blessings that have been poured upon Anne's family and friends have been amazing. I know that she is praying her little heart out for all of us. But- I wish she were here.

I'm going to visit her grave site this weekend- place some flowers- and spend a little time. I am trying to trust- to rely on God and His strength and His Church- I just don't know how someone gets through something like this.

Anne Michelle, pray for us!!

In Christ,
Michelle