I do not think I fully understood the meaning of a broken heart until experiencing the loss of Anne Michelle. My friend Leslie told me she was pregnant right away- and, while cautious, I was SO excited for her and her husband- and of course the new baby. The baby got the nickname "Peanut" because her first ultrasound looked like a peanut- and because they weren't going to find out the sex of the baby until she was born.
On July 25th, a little after 11pm, Leslie called me that she was in labor and going to the hospital- she was bleeding- and she wanted me to come. We'd planned on my being an extra support person during the labor and delivery, with the understanding that if at ANY time she wanted it to be just her and her husband, I would leave.
I arrived at the hospital around 1am on July 26th. Leslie was doing alright- the bleeding had stopped- but they didn't know what had caused it. The tests were normal, except for an increase in blood pressure, and baby was doing okay. They decided to admit her.
Anne Michelle didn't make it. She was stillborn at 5:45am.
I don't know how to explain the sorrow I feel. I cannot imagine what Leslie and her husband are going through- losing their daughter. For me, the pain is intense- sometimes a dull ache, and sometimes a sharp pain- but there is always some pain. If I am experiencing this, what could they be going through? Praise God, I got to hold little Anne shortly after her birth. She was born via c-section, and the doctor, being a devout Catholic, baptized Anne as soon as he could see her head. She was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.
It's been a month, and all of the blessings that have been poured upon Anne's family and friends have been amazing. I know that she is praying her little heart out for all of us. But- I wish she were here.
I'm going to visit her grave site this weekend- place some flowers- and spend a little time. I am trying to trust- to rely on God and His strength and His Church- I just don't know how someone gets through something like this.
Anne Michelle, pray for us!!
In Christ,
Michelle
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Planting the seeds...
Last weekend, I met two of my friends from college (Jessie and Kelly) for lunch. I hadn't seen one of them in almost a year! We chatted and ate tasty food, catching up on the ins and outs of being... well... us. After we finished our lunch and were slurping away at what was left of our drinks, Jessie dropped a bomb on us- how would we feel about starting an orphanage? For this to really hit home, you have to know that: (a) I have always wanted to work at an orphange; (b) Kelly was discerning a religious vocation and recently found out that her number 1 choice is not an option; and (c) as a project in college, Jessie put together marketing material for a fake orphanage.
And thus our brains started working... and we were bouncing ideas off of each other... discussing whether this would even be practicle. Enter the experience Kelly and I have of working at non-profits. Enter friends we have who are still working at non-profits. Could we really do this?
We spent about two hours sitting at the restaurant table, slurping, and talking about the possibilities that could come out of this. A Catholic home for children- Divine Mercy Children's Home- for girls ages infant-14. Girls in foster homes, who have been bounced around from placement to placement, who need a secure place to live- secure attachments- and love. Babies who have been born addicted to drugs, who have mild developmental difficulties- who need to feel wanted.
"We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty." - Blessed Mother Teresa
We parted ways with the intent of praying on our own and beginning to do a bit of research. I found out what it takes to start a non-profit (lots of paperwork and about $1000 of filing fees), and I found out that land in West Virginia is cheaper than land in Ohio. We discovered that it would probably take a few years to really start, but if we go one step at a time, we may really be able to do this.
The Lord has planted the seeds in our hearts. Now it is our job to make sure His flower blooms. I pray this day that my will becomes His will. That we are following His plan and His path as we delve into this journey.
In Christ through Mary,
Michelle
And thus our brains started working... and we were bouncing ideas off of each other... discussing whether this would even be practicle. Enter the experience Kelly and I have of working at non-profits. Enter friends we have who are still working at non-profits. Could we really do this?
We spent about two hours sitting at the restaurant table, slurping, and talking about the possibilities that could come out of this. A Catholic home for children- Divine Mercy Children's Home- for girls ages infant-14. Girls in foster homes, who have been bounced around from placement to placement, who need a secure place to live- secure attachments- and love. Babies who have been born addicted to drugs, who have mild developmental difficulties- who need to feel wanted.
"We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty." - Blessed Mother Teresa
We parted ways with the intent of praying on our own and beginning to do a bit of research. I found out what it takes to start a non-profit (lots of paperwork and about $1000 of filing fees), and I found out that land in West Virginia is cheaper than land in Ohio. We discovered that it would probably take a few years to really start, but if we go one step at a time, we may really be able to do this.
The Lord has planted the seeds in our hearts. Now it is our job to make sure His flower blooms. I pray this day that my will becomes His will. That we are following His plan and His path as we delve into this journey.
In Christ through Mary,
Michelle
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
What is freedom?
Well, if we turn to Pope John Paul the Great, we are told:
"Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought."
How hard is it to live by a motto such as this, especially when living in America, where the term "Freedom" rings loudly wherever you go.
Culturally, when we think of freedom, we think of having the right to do what we like- the freedom to go where we want to go, do what we want to do, and have what we want to have- as long as we are not "hurting" another person. But if we live like this, are we really hurting no one? Are there things that we do because we have the "freedom" to do them, but we know that we should not do them?
What about this idea of freedom: True freedom is the freedom from the chains of sin.
To really understand this idea, we have to delve more deeply into definitions- what is the definition of sin? How does sin chain us? Do we not have free will, the will to do what we like? How does sin control us, control our minds, control our actions? We do NOT like to think of being controlled by something or someone. So how would you react, if you were told that you were being controlled by Satan, if you were told that you were being controlled by the ravages that sin has taken on you?
And... how do I obtain this freedom? How can I become freed from the chains of sin, from the pull of temptation? What kind of life do I have to live if I am going to be open to this freedom? What will I have to give up to be free? What am I willing to give up to be free?
Ah... the pull of the Sacraments. The pull of the Church. The pull of LOVE! I cannot be truly free without LOVE- true love- faithful love-unending love- a covenantal love.
This year, I have begun helping out as a catechist in RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) at my parish. When I look at the candidates and catechumans, I see the need they have for true Freedom- for true LOVE- for Truth. They come into the room wanting to be filled- not by me- but by our Lord. They Thirst for Christ, even when they don't know exactly what they are thirsting for. They Thirst to be Free!
Freedom... True Freedom.... given by Love Himself.
In Christ through Mary,
Michelle
"Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought."
How hard is it to live by a motto such as this, especially when living in America, where the term "Freedom" rings loudly wherever you go.
Culturally, when we think of freedom, we think of having the right to do what we like- the freedom to go where we want to go, do what we want to do, and have what we want to have- as long as we are not "hurting" another person. But if we live like this, are we really hurting no one? Are there things that we do because we have the "freedom" to do them, but we know that we should not do them?
What about this idea of freedom: True freedom is the freedom from the chains of sin.
To really understand this idea, we have to delve more deeply into definitions- what is the definition of sin? How does sin chain us? Do we not have free will, the will to do what we like? How does sin control us, control our minds, control our actions? We do NOT like to think of being controlled by something or someone. So how would you react, if you were told that you were being controlled by Satan, if you were told that you were being controlled by the ravages that sin has taken on you?
And... how do I obtain this freedom? How can I become freed from the chains of sin, from the pull of temptation? What kind of life do I have to live if I am going to be open to this freedom? What will I have to give up to be free? What am I willing to give up to be free?
Ah... the pull of the Sacraments. The pull of the Church. The pull of LOVE! I cannot be truly free without LOVE- true love- faithful love-unending love- a covenantal love.
This year, I have begun helping out as a catechist in RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) at my parish. When I look at the candidates and catechumans, I see the need they have for true Freedom- for true LOVE- for Truth. They come into the room wanting to be filled- not by me- but by our Lord. They Thirst for Christ, even when they don't know exactly what they are thirsting for. They Thirst to be Free!
Freedom... True Freedom.... given by Love Himself.
In Christ through Mary,
Michelle
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